


heaven help a fool who falls in love

by binchelada



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel-centric (Supernatural), Coda, Episode: s15e18 Despair, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, cas and the shadow have a bitching match, cas' queer ass is going to make this deal the empty's eternal problem, for love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binchelada/pseuds/binchelada
Summary: He will never admit it, but the cruelty and poetry of the deal and its outcome was incredibly exquisite on the Shadow’s behalf.Set immediately after the Empty takes Cas in the conclusion of "that scene" in 15x18.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	heaven help a fool who falls in love

**Author's Note:**

> _"I aint ever seen two platonic best friends… one of them’s always gotta be in love with the other one.” _-lillryb on tiktok__
> 
> __
> 
> __guess who is back on their high school/early college bullshit in the year of our lord 2020? its me! you can count on this fool to pop in with a coda whenever something tragic emotional happens with deancas and ive been painfully sucked back in tWO EPISODES BEFORE THIS CURSED SHOW IS LAIN TO REST._ _
> 
> __enjoy!_ _
> 
> __title is from “ophelia” by the lumineers for that nice 2016 nostalgia when we thought things couldnt get worse._ _

Castiel fights the urge to lose consciousness before he makes the hard impact into nothingness in the Empty. Tears still wet on his cheeks, he looks around and is met by the eternally annoyed entity once again wearing Meg’s face. The reverence it holds for the long dead demon is quite interesting. At least it’s a consistent change from the god-awful British copy of his vessel. 

It’s just the two of them in the black expanse of what he can see of the Empty when Cas feels like there should be three. “Where is she?” He asks, voice attempting assertiveness but coming out way softer than intended from crying. 

The Shadow smiles and looks around melodramatically. “Elsewhere. We’re having a _pleasant_ chat.”

Castiel winces now as his senses are flooded by a deafening sound. One he hasn’t heard in ages.

It’s loud.

“It used to be much worse thanks to the stunt Jack pulled. But I’m making my rounds, shutting them up. Although, I’m losing my patience. How’s the combination angel radio and demon chatter? Pleasant, I imagine.”

“Noisy” is all Cas can manage as sound fills every part of him alongside his loathing for the only other entity he will probably see for all eternity. 

The shadow makes a little scowl. “Then go the fuck to sleep so I can focus on the others.” 

Castiel, once one of God’s chosen obedient servants, looks at an entity older than God himself defiantly. “No.”

He feels a sharp blinding pain in his gut in response. The Shadow throws its hands up and spins around in a tantrum. “Why?!” It bellows into the dark expanse. “I’m so _fucking tired!_ Have some basic decency and hold up your end of the deal to the _very end!_ ”

Cas shakes his head and grits his teeth. “I will always have something to live for. Spite goes both ways.”

“I will repeatedly tear you apart at a molecular level until you give in.”

Without a beat, Cas fires back. “I will endure using thoughts of those I love.”

“ _Who_ you love.” The Shadow corrects in an attempt to pull at already strained heartstrings.

“Exactly.” Cas challenges. 

In this moment, the Shadow is immensely grateful for those working to put God down like the bitch he is. God created such an unprecedented pain in the ass that while he is still alive and the Shadow is still conscious, his rage over this will never subside.

“I can't look at you.” The Shadow grits and with that it’s gone. Cas is finally left alone for what he assumes is just a sliver of his destined eternity. 

In that time in an attempt to pass it and distract from the piercing noise filling his head, Castiel thinks of Earth. He thinks of the people, places, and things that he’s going to miss from his comparatively short tenure with humans in scale to his entire existence. Slightly over a decade was short - too short. 

Castiel tries to keep his sanity in the long run by beginning with focusing on the beauty of nature. The sunrise over a quiet lake. The subtle chirp of crickets. The waves crashing against the shore, noisy yet pleasant. The crisp fall breeze that circles through the Appalachians annually. The evergreens that cascade through the American Pacific Northwest, brilliantly and eternally green like Dean Winchester’s eyes. The constellations seen at night, reminiscent of each freckle he individually reconstructed on his body. The dew drops that cling to spider webs much like the way rain and snow clings to his eyelashes. Cas’ own eyes start to water again. In return he tenses up his body and stares into the black abyss that surrounds him, refusing to let the Empty have his tears.

He will never admit it, but the cruelty and poetry of the deal and its outcome was incredibly exquisite on the Shadow’s behalf. 

Suddenly, without warning, Cas feels something change in the void around him. An energy shift. He turns to find that the Shadow has returned, lips pressed and arms crossed. 

The Shadow looks resigned yet less full of rage than before it left. Cas can’t tell how much time has gone by but it seems just enough for the Shadow to come to some sort of decision, most likely out of haste and impatience. It lets out an irritated sigh, ready for declaration.

“Now you are going to go back to Earth, one _final_ time. You are going to _live_ in this body. Age in this body. _Die_ in this body. It is going to be miserable and painful just as any human life is. After all, Castiel, how can you even call yourself a heavenly-host, an Angel of the Lord? You’ve done the most human thing of all: self-sacrifice in the name of unapologetic, pure, raw love.”

Castiel opens his mouth but before he can speak the Shadow rubs its fingers together and his voice catches in his throat and it continues.

“I don't deal with humans. Angels and demons? My domain. I can and will get them to sleep so I can return to my bliss. Humans, on the other hand, should be dealt with elsewhere.” 

Cas feels his voice return to his throat and takes it as his time to speak. “You’re - you’re sending me back? After our deal?”

“Quite frankly, I find you to be the most irritating being I have ever come across. However, you gave me Death while _intentionally activating our deal in which I intended to make you suffer more than you could imagine_ . I can't find a way to break you into submission. I just need you out of my hands once and for all so I can _fucking keep the peace_.”

Wide eyed, Cas stands there comprehending the chance given to him. He starts to feel something in his chest. It aches deep into his core. It’s something he’s felt once, long ago when his grace was gone and he saw Dean for the first time - truly, honestly, humanly - upon surviving that encounter with the rogue angel. The effects of this solution are beginning to set in. 

The Shadow steps up to Cas so they’re face to face now. “If I ever encounter you again I will tear the universe into pieces so there is nothing left. This is the one and only mercy I will ever grant in my existence and I am _not_ doing it for you.”

Before Cas can express his gratitude to an entity he hates nearly as much as God himself, the figure before him begins to shed its persona and melt into nothing. As the Shadow extends its arm so that the outstretched hands are the only tangible thing Cas can see in the darkness, they make contact with his chest just long enough for him to feel yet another blast of indescribable pain as he is pushed into nothingness. 

* * *

Castiel suddenly feels the crisp air of Kansas in the early spring. It's been awhile since he’s felt the subtle discomfort of human existence but it's familiar. There's a dull and constant pain in his bones as naturally comes with the mortal age of his vessel in which he hasn’t exactly been kind to _._ He’s standing outside the bunker - presumably since the warding is still strong and in effect or so he hopes for the sake of the inhabitants inside. He takes a breath and fills his lungs with the fresh air. Unlike the Empty, the world is suddenly quiet. Eerily soundless in a way he doesn’t remember.

There is no way to tell how much time has passed on Earth, with the exception that he knows he died on an ironic Thursday in March and the season hasn’t seemed to progress much. Cas walks to the door of the bunker, leaves crunching loudly in the quiet. He pauses briefly before knocking three times on the door. They’re solid knocks with as much intention as he can muster now feeling the discomfort that comes with being under dressed for the elements. 

A faint desperate and futile call for Eileen followed by a gruff and panicked “Sam, no!” come from inside. Cas waits as he hears hurried footsteps ascend the staircase. His chest tightens at that spot on the left side and begins to spread to the pit of his stomach. Yet, somehow, he’s happier than he’s ever been. He has no idea how things will go for him and the only three other living things left on Earth. Even if their time is cut short, it's an opportunity better than he could have ever imagined. 

Nearly overwhelmed, the door opens and Cas is pulled from his stupor as he isn’t met with Dean’s face, but rather a gun leveled at his head. Cas takes a step back and raises his hands, slightly panicked at the threat of a gun with the newfound finality of his human mortality.

Suddenly, the gun hits the ground and much to Cas’ surprise it doesn't discharge. Perhaps it was never actually loaded, or at least cocked. He chooses to not dwell on the reason that might be. Dean’s jaw is slack and Cas can tell that he’s holding his breath.

Castiel, completely and utterly human and happier than he’s ever been in his entire existence, allows his voice to break. It absolutely shatters.

“Hello, Dean.” 


End file.
